he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize