i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
