I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
