I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
