I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
