my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
