So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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