Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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