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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Babe, Have you see my pants?

  (718): View more from New York

  Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  i believe in u and ur pee

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.

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• (516): View more from New York

  if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  My life is pants optional.

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