I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
