i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
