it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
