No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
