Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
