My sheets look like a crime scene.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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