i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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