The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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