Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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