I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
