Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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