I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
