yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
