i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did i walk over a car last night?
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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