wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
