i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
