i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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