I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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