i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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