officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize