Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
