You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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