dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
