someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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