so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
