The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
