I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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