DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
