Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
