I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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