Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
