So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
