you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
