SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
