At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
