Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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