I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
