I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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