No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't deserve a penis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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