some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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