We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize