i love accidental penises.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
