I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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