i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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