Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
