if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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