And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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