i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
