The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think a kid would responsible me up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
