Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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