Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
