It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
