I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
