Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
