You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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