dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
