I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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