ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
