please come you make the beer taste better
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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