Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
