There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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