I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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