I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
