I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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