dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
