He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
