The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
