Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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