Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize