wanna go halves on a baby?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
