you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
