i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
