Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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