dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
