Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
