You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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